Supporting a Homesick Missionary: What to Say (and What Not To)
Homesickness is nearly universal on missions, but family support can make or break how a missionary navigates it. Learn exactly what to say, what to avoid, and when to involve the mission president.
Homesickness is nearly universal on missions and is not a sign of weak faith—it typically peaks in the first 6–12 weeks and again around six months. Families help most by validating the feeling without amplifying it, sending detailed ordinary emails about daily life, asking specific questions about the missionary's work, and avoiding guilt-laden messages or pressure about post-mission plans. Contact the mission president when the missionary expresses a desire to come home, shows signs of a mental health crisis, or describes a safety concern.
Homesickness Is Normal — and It Is Not Failure
Nearly every full-time missionary experiences homesickness at some point. This is not a sign of weak faith, poor preparation, or lack of commitment. It is a natural human response to leaving behind everyone and everything familiar — often for the first time — and stepping into an environment that is physically demanding, emotionally intense, and spiritually challenging all at once.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' own missionary preparation materials acknowledge this directly. The Adjusting to Missionary Life resource booklet, published by the Church, states: "It is normal to have days when we feel discouraged, stressed, or homesick. Most of the time it will pass."
Understanding this helps families respond in ways that genuinely support — rather than inadvertently undermine — a struggling missionary's ability to work through hard days and find their footing.
Why Homesickness Feels So Intense on a Mission
Mission life creates a unique set of conditions that amplify homesickness beyond what most young people experience at college or in other away-from-home transitions:
Communication is limited. Until recently, most missionaries could only call home on Christmas and Mother's Day. Today's missionaries can video call weekly, but the structure is still tightly bounded. The inability to reach out whenever the feeling hits makes it harder to process in real time.
The schedule is relentless. Missionaries work six days a week with structured hours, leaving little time for the kind of solo reflection that can help process hard emotions.
Companions change frequently. Every six weeks or so, a missionary may find themselves with an entirely new companion, in a new area, learning a new set of relationships from scratch.
Language barriers isolate. Missionaries serving in non-English-speaking countries often spend months barely able to communicate before fluency develops. This linguistic isolation compounds loneliness.
The stakes feel high. LDS missionaries are trained to see their two years as one of the most important periods of their spiritual lives. When homesickness makes it hard to focus, many feel guilt on top of the longing — a painful combination.
A returned missionary writing for the Church's website described her experience: "My homesickness while I was on my mission was like a gaping hole that I struggled to skirt around every single day… I felt like I was missing a part of myself." She served her full mission — and came to understand her longing for home not as weakness but as love for her family and, ultimately, for her Heavenly home.
Signs a Missionary May Be Struggling with Homesickness
Missionaries will not always use the word "homesick" in their emails home. Families who know what to look for can respond with more targeted support.
Emails that are shorter, less detailed, or more emotionally flat than usual
Repeated questions about specific family members, especially younger siblings or parents going through a health issue
Increased focus on counting down time ("X more months…") rather than present mission experiences
References to feeling tired, lonely, or lacking motivation — described indirectly as physical symptoms like fatigue or headaches
Fewer stories about investigators and members, replaced by logistical updates or complaints about weather or apartments
Direct statements about missing home, which should be taken seriously rather than minimized
What to Say: Phrases That Help vs. Phrases That Hurt
What a family writes in a weekly email carries enormous weight. A missionary may read and re-read a letter from Mom multiple times. Getting the tone and content right — even in a quick Monday email — matters more than most families realize.
Situation | Phrases That Help | Phrases That Hurt |
|---|---|---|
Missionary expresses homesickness | "Missing home makes complete sense. It means you love us and we love you. Those feelings don't mean anything is wrong." | "You shouldn't feel that way — you chose to go!" or "Just focus on the work." |
Missionary has a hard week | "Tell me more about what this week was like. I want to understand what you're going through." | "I don't want to hear the bad stuff — focus on the good!" or "Elder/Sister [name] never struggles like this." |
Family has good news at home | "We had a great week — here's what happened. We wish you were here, but we're so proud of where you are." | "You're missing everything! It's so sad you're not here." or long descriptions of fun family events that emphasize absence. |
Missionary seems discouraged spiritually | "Your testimony matters to this whole family. The work you're doing — even the hard parts — is changing you in ways we can already see." | "Are you sure you're praying enough?" or "Maybe you're not working as hard as you should be." |
Something difficult happened at home | Share the difficulty honestly and briefly, with reassurance that things are being handled and the missionary does not need to worry. | Hiding all difficult news (creates anxiety) or over-sharing in emotional detail that makes the missionary feel helpless and trapped away from home. |
Missionary mentions wanting to come home | "I hear you. Those feelings are real. Let's talk through this. Have you talked with your mission president?" | "Don't you dare come home early — it would embarrass the family." or immediately dismissing the statement as drama. |
What to Include in Weekly Emails
The best family emails give missionaries a rich, grounded connection to life at home without creating anxiety or amplifying what they're missing. Think of your email as a gift that takes about fifteen minutes to read but provides fuel for a full week.
Do include:
Specific, concrete updates on daily life — what the dog did, what happened at church, what you cooked for dinner
News about friends, neighbors, and extended family the missionary knows and cares about
Positive spiritual experiences and observations — scriptures that struck you, talks you found meaningful
Questions that invite the missionary to share what they're experiencing and learning
Photos. Every week, if possible. Familiar faces anchor the missionary to the people they love.
Expressions of love and specific pride in what they're doing — not generic encouragement, but specific recognition
Be thoughtful about:
Detailed accounts of parties, gatherings, or fun events the missionary is missing — share them, but briefly and with warmth rather than longing
Overwhelming the email with family drama, health anxieties, or requests the missionary can do nothing about
Asking repeatedly about when they'll be home or counting down months in a way that emphasizes absence
Comparing your missionary to other missionaries, whether favorably or unfavorably
What NOT to Say
Some well-meaning phrases consistently make homesickness worse. These are often said with love — but they land with more weight than intended:
"We miss you so much we can barely stand it." This plants guilt. A missionary who is already struggling now carries the additional burden of knowing their absence causes pain.
"This is the most important thing you'll ever do — you can't mess it up." Enormous pressure on someone who is already experiencing doubt or struggle.
"I had a dream you came home early." Even framed as worry, this plants the idea of early return as a real possibility in a moment of vulnerability.
"Your mission president doesn't seem to understand you." Undermining the mission president creates a trust problem that is very difficult to undo from a distance.
"Just push through — everyone gets homesick." Technically true, but dismissive. It signals that the feeling should be suppressed rather than understood.
When to Be Concerned: Beyond Normal Homesickness
Most missionary homesickness is transient — it peaks in the first six to twelve weeks, often again around six months, and typically eases as the missionary builds relationships and finds their rhythm. However, there are signs that what a missionary is experiencing has moved beyond normal adjustment and may warrant professional or institutional support:
Persistent inability to eat or sleep for more than a week or two
Statements about hopelessness, worthlessness, or thoughts of self-harm
Complete withdrawal from missionary activity — not just a slow week but an inability to function
Panic attacks or acute anxiety symptoms the missionary describes as unmanageable
Significant physical symptoms (weight loss, illness cycling) without a clear medical cause
Early returned missionaries represent a small but real percentage of every mission. Research from BYU's Religious Studies Center documents that when families respond with love and zero stigma to early returns — whether for mental health, physical health, or other reasons — missionaries are far more likely to remain active and spiritually grounded. The posture of the family matters enormously in the outcome.
When and How to Contact the Mission President
Mission presidents are trained to support missionaries through mental and emotional challenges. They are not adversaries to work around — they are partners. However, contacting them effectively requires some care.
Appropriate reasons to contact the mission president:
Your missionary has explicitly expressed a desire to come home and you want the president to be aware
You have reason to believe your missionary is experiencing a mental health crisis
Your missionary has reported a safety concern or an abusive companion situation
You have a family emergency that may affect your missionary's focus or that your missionary needs to know about
How to contact effectively:
Use the email address provided in your missionary's assignment packet, or through the mission's official contact channels
Be specific, calm, and factual — describe what your missionary has told you and what specific concern you have
Trust the mission president to take appropriate action; they have seen these situations many times and have resources you do not
Follow up once if you haven't heard back within a week, especially for urgent situations
Preserving the Hard Moments Too
The homesick weeks, the emails with raw honesty, the letters where your missionary admits they cried — these are not moments to skip over or delete. They are part of the real story of two of the most transformative years of your child's life. Many families find that those vulnerable emails, preserved alongside the triumphant ones, become the most meaningful pages in a missionary keepsake book. My Missionary Book captures every weekly email automatically — the hard weeks and the good ones — turning the whole honest record into a $149 hardbound book your missionary will treasure for decades.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for a missionary to feel homesick the whole time?
Yes, some missionaries experience low-level homesickness throughout their service, particularly around holidays, transfers, or family milestones back home. The Church's own missionary adjustment materials acknowledge that homesickness is common and does not indicate a lack of faith or commitment. Most missionaries describe it as something that becomes manageable with time, even if it never fully disappears.
Should I tell my missionary about difficult things happening at home?
Yes — with care and calibration. Hiding significant family events (serious illness, job loss, relationship changes) often causes more anxiety than the events themselves, because missionaries sense when something is being withheld. Share important news honestly and briefly, paired with reassurance that things are being handled and they do not need to worry.
What if my missionary says they want to come home?
Take the statement seriously without immediately treating it as a decision. Listen, ask questions, and encourage your missionary to speak honestly with their companion and mission president. Avoid both panic and dismissal. The mission president has resources — including access to mental health professionals in some missions — that you do not have from home.
How can I help my missionary feel connected without making homesickness worse?
Send detailed, ordinary emails about daily life at home — not highlight reels designed to show what they're missing, but genuine windows into familiar routines. Include photos. Ask specific questions about their week. Express specific, grounded pride. Connection through authentic communication eases homesickness; performative updates about how much fun everyone is having without them does the opposite.
When should I contact the mission president about homesickness?
Contact the mission president when your missionary has expressed a desire to come home, when you believe they are experiencing a mental health crisis, when they've described a safety concern, or when a family emergency requires immediate communication. For general homesickness, consistent loving support from home is usually the appropriate response. Mission presidents are partners — not intermediaries to avoid — and they appreciate being kept informed about missionaries who are genuinely struggling.